SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

If you are a WS, and you left your long term spouse and kids, to be with your AP.

Does it mean, you love your AP very much? So much that it's more than decades of marriage and your kids?

Is it all worth it?

When do you feel regret?

Will you feel regret?

Do you ever miss your origional family at all? The lives that you spent together, especially when life was content and happy mostly?

You might want to ask this in the Wayward forum. There's a thread for questions from BS to WS.

There is a thread " BS questions for WS" in the I Can Relate forum. That would be a good place for your question.

The only APs you typically find in infidelity support groups are the ones who learned the hard way that "how you get them is how you lose them," finding themselves in the exact same position when that spouse inevitably cheats on them too. That alone should tell you something about the quality of the "love" they thought they were choosing.

The why is probably burning you alive, and I am sorry you find yourself in this position. But leaving a marriage and children for an AP is rarely a measure of true love for the new person. It is an act driven by limerence, escape, and deep emotional cowardice.

He is chasing an illusion. It is easy to play "soulmates" when a relationship exists entirely in a bubble of secrecy and dopamine. This choice is almost never worth it. You may never know how deeply he will regret it, but I have every reason to believe he will.

He may act cold, indifferent, or blissfully detached right now to justify his choices because facing the reality of what he destroyed is too heavy for his ego. But that loss will eventually catch up to him.

Please remember that his choices are not a reflection of your worth or the validity of the life you built together. You were enough; he was simply too weak to value what he had.

Thanks a lot!

I asked my WS, WS told me about limerence, about the constant desire to have external validation.

WS admitted that the flirting has been there throughout our 16 years together.

There were moments where it felt like WS really wanted to try to reconcile & did make some effort. But it seemed that things were just slipping fast, and not stablizing. More lies and inconsistencies would pop up & I would get knocked off imbalanced.

WS said they cried over when they minded our kids at our marriage home. When being asked, what did that mean. They would go silent.

Was it regret? Was it guilt? Was it wish nothing happened? I have no idea. I wish they could be brave and honest about their own feelings and inner world.

I'm now, reaching to a state that I'm too tired to care anymore. I'm too exhausted.

Sometimes, I feel like, I'm just waiting for the divorce to be over, then I can erase myself from the earth, to ease the pain.

It's astonishingly shocking to find out how WS could become so cruel as well.

I couldn't understand for a long time, that the one with character default was the WS, how could they place so much mistrust into me, whom they know deeply is so trusting and trustworthy.

I came across a theory, that when someone did harmful things to you, they will become more nasty, because they will be defensive and they think you will want to revenge etc.

So there they are. That kind of helped me realising, that's probably why, no matter how nice and kind I have been, I've always been scrutinised in a biased lens.

Because, in those people's world, it's not possible to be THAT kind and nice.

Time to collect my heart back. Focus on my kids and myself. Love myself.

I still hang on a bit, on what we could have done, if none of these shit happen, as a little family.

Time to create new memories.

Per an AI search result:

Less than 2% of relationships that start as affairs last long-term.

Specific statistical breakdowns include:

Only 3% to 7% of affairs lead to marriage.

Of those marriages, approximately 75% end in divorce.

Relationships that begin on a foundation of lies and deceit just don't tend to make it, but of all of them I'll bet 99% of them think they will.

[This message edited by Pogre at 10:18 PM, Saturday, August 29th]