What steps do I take next?

Hi there,
I posted awhile back a few times and really appreciated the responses. I need some more advice. My husband has a p*rn issue and finally agreed to talk to my counselor but the counselor said my husband hung up on him when he brought up the p*rn but my husband says they had a bad connection and now he doesn't trust the counselor because it was a bad connection, he says, and he won't talk to him anymore. After that I said we need accountability software on our phones as a step to rebuild trust. He agreed to that but as a business owner he has lots of alone time driving and such and how do I know he isn't bringing along magazines or other ways to watch? Getting him to do anything for accountability or rebuilding trust is like pulling teeth, he never agrees to anything unless I say I am leaving or have another result. Also I found the website chaturb*te on his phone recently, so he hasn't just been watching, now he is talking to other women to get off. He said he didn't even click on it, and that was months ago, etc. I said this is another level, I need you to talk to a counselor as this is escalation. He said he has watched the recovery videos I gave him and they don't help and he isn't talking to a counselor. He said he will just stop on his own, but his behavior shows me he isn't. He isn't embracing honesty. I think it's time for me to tell one of his trusted, older friends and have him talk to him to see if he can make any headway, or do I just move out? Either way this is going to go more public. I have been trying to keep this more private for the sake of the kids. I just feel so done, he didn't used to be like this, this has grown into a problem so I know deep down he doesn't want to lose me but just not sure what to try next. My counselor wasn't sure either so I wanted to ask here. Thank you for reading and for any help!

8 comments posted: Tuesday, July 29th, 2025

Proper response?

Hi there, I really need some advice.
Yesterday I confronted my H about p$rn I found on his phone as he has a problem with it and he has been getting more and more moody and secretive. I said I care about you but this has become a problem and I will help him get through it. He grabbed my phone and said my phone wrecked our marriage. He was so mad. He kept my phone and said I could have it back the next day. He gave it back to me when he came home after work but he made snarky, mean comments to me several times during the day. When I checked my phone he had removed my social media. I would have left for the day but my eleven year old was home and I didn’t want to frighten him. I told my H don’t say anything negative around our son and he listened. I was trying to decide what to do and this morning I took his phone and said he can have it later. He called me names and left. I told him if I don’t feel safe I will call the police. He never used to be this way- he was always calm and caring. I am so worried for him and our younger son, our older sons know we are working on relationship stuff and they stay out of it. One is graduated and has his own place. He doesn’t want me to stay with him because the situation stresses him out. My family lives in the next state and I don’t want to make this public if I can help it. Do I just give his phone back or have conditions like he can have it if he goes to counseling, or do I call the police to have them just talk to him? Trying to protect my kids as much as possible. Thanks for any advice.

10 comments posted: Friday, March 21st, 2025

New here, need advice

Hi everyone,
I am new here and I am very thankful to have found this amazing site! There is lots of great information and support here and I look forward to benefiting from it.

I need some advice. My situation is a little different as my husband appears to have an addiction to pornography and while that can lead to infidelity I don’t know that it has gotten to that point. I was looking for anonymous support groups that value privacy and came across this one.

I have found my husband’s porn on a few occasions and when I ask about it he gets defensive, angry, and says it’s no big deal. Our intimate relations became almost non-existent a few years ago because of his health issues, he said, and I believed him but then found porn and knew he was lying. If I try to talk about it he gets defensive and blame-shifts.

I did lots of research and found a highly-rated porn recovery program, and after several tries he agreed to watch some of the videos but he says they make no sense to him. He calls any emotional discussion "baby talk." He didn’t use to be this way. I thought the videos would help him see the negative effects of porn but it hasn’t worked. I got him to see a counselor with me once but that didn’t help either.

I need help setting effective boundaries that will affect our teen and pre teen children the least. I would appreciate any advice. Thank you in advance!

4 comments posted: Wednesday, March 5th, 2025