BW-Married 26 years
Dday 6/26/24 on our 25th anniversary. Recently learned of more AP's throughout our marriage.
Trying to reconcile.
Sleuthing, is it wrong?
Hello to all :)
I am a year out from Dday and I have become a serious sleuth. I never knew how good of a sleuth I could be, lol. Unfortunately,as a result,I have found hotel receipts and emails that prove there were more affairs throughout our 26 years of marriage. In addition, lies about tax filings. So many old emails I found, when he was out of town, I was asking when are you coming back no replies no phone calls. Lied about being in one city but he was at a hotel in a different one.
I feel bad for going through his computer, I never thought of looking prior to the affair. I trusted him with my life, never questioned anything. I guess I was naive, I realize now the signs have been there all along.
At what point is it not okay? We are trying to reconcile but every bit of new evidence I find makes me want to follow through with a divorce. I am torturing myself and I have been tortured enough. I was taking care of his mother at the time, she lived with us for four years while he was going to see his AP. Our daughter has some special needs so I felt like I was drowning between the two of them to begin with! What he did over the last year was awful and I still do not feel like he is truly remorseful.He is changing and I see his actions but he really thought we could just start over and ignore.
We see a counselor but it is not consistent and I do not feel the counselor really gets infedility. So my next question is,should I get individual first? We cannot afford both. I blame myself so much for past spending, poor parenting, etc ...when really I was trying to be the best wife and mother I could be. So much venting I need to do but I am sure I am driving friends and family insane. They have all been so supportive but I think I over shared with my family and wish I had not. Uggh, I am a serious mess, trying to find a job after 18 years too.This has been the most difficult thing I have ever dealt with in my 55 years of life.
I appreciate any input or even just listening. I am so
happy and relieved to have found this site.
15 comments posted: Monday, July 28th, 2025
